i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
