You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
