My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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