ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
