I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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