I feel like I'm in dance class right now
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
