We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
