he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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