We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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