you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
