i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
