i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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