dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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