Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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