Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
