but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
