Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
