So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
