u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
