he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
