they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
