Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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