Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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