sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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