when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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