Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
