"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
