You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
