you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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