O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
