Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
