I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
