Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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