He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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