You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize