Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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