There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
