At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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