Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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