U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
