Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
