He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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