you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
