Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
