I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
