You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
