whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
