she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
