Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
