thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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