Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
