her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
