There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
