Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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