When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's get the cat blown out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
