Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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