I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
