I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize