I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
