remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
