Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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