Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
