you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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