Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
