Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
