i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
