i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
