I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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