I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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