Are we in a gay sports bar?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
