do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize