You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
