It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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