if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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