the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
