remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
