Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
