I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
